I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
