You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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