So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
