like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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