I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
