You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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