the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
