And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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