Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
