she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
