I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize