I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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