he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
