Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
