She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
