I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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