I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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