Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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