I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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