how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
