It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
