I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
