Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
