I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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