So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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