I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize