I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
