Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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