i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
