forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
