when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
