so explain again why im purple
no
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
