Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
