Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
