I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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