On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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