I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
