so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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