i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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