Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
