maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
