you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
