Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
