I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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