yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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