So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
