sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
