Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
