I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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