if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
