just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
