I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
