Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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