got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
