for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
