Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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