I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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