Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
