He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
