I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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