Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
