it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
