I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
