are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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