I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
