She is in my trunk
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
