im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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