May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You are a genius and a whore.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
