She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
