How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
