i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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