Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
